Planning can be such a good thing. It can make for a much easier, less stressed life. It can also become something that controls you. It began to control me. I had taken all of my plans into my own hands and relied on them more than I did on God. And God being the patient God he is...waited for me to realize this. He slowly stripped plans away until He got my attention.
A lot of people would hear that and think it was a bad thing. While it was such a trying and difficult part of my life, it was also the best thing that could have happened. God was refining me in so many ways. I took hope, and still take hope, in the fact that the time following the pruning is when the plant blossoms. The process is still happening as I am in a period of transition. It is still difficult. It can be lonely. It is also so rewarding.
The concept of "planning" has changed drastically for me. I can set out to do the things that I have prayerfully considered and they may happen. They might not. And either way, there is a purpose behind it.
God's ways are SO much higher and better than my ways....hallelujah.
One thing that has been a weight on my shoulders through this whole process is how others look at me. People know the determination and stubbornness I so often embody. When I first started telling people that I wouldn't return to Messiah this past fall, I was greeted with reactions that made me so confused. I was struggling though life one day at a time and people were making judgements about me that I had given up on school, that I would never return to school, and that I was just a "little lost". It deflated me faster than I anticipated. I started to get a little angry as I lay flat on my back after foot surgery staring at the ceiling. Why was I here? Why was I feeling led away from college? Why couldn't I just have all the money in the world to pay for school? Why was I alone? Why weren't other people supporting me? Why? Why? Why? In those moments, I had to swallow every emotion and hold onto a fact that didn't feel good. I had to accept that God knew what He was doing. I "laid out my fleece" enough times to know the direction in which I was being led. So it should not matter what other people thought about it. I was following God's leading.
<<this was way harder than it sounds as I'm sure many other people know as well>>
I could not be happier that I took this year off from school. I miss my friends like crazy...but my time with them is so much more precious. My conversations with people were more infrequent...so the ones I do have, I try to make significant. God has matured me in so many ways that would not have been possible if I were at school. I don't even recognize myself sometimes...it's the coolest thing ever. It is evidence of the continual transformation of becoming more like Christ...and I feel like my transformation will literally take forever. I'm so imperfect. It's great.
The point of me saying all of that is this... I could tell you all my plans for this coming year. I could tell you that I am going on a >100km hike in Spain. I could tell you that I am going back to Messiah. I could tell you that I am thinking about going somewhere else for college. I could tell you a prospective major I want to study. I could tell you lots of things. And in my mind, they're all as true as can be...for right now. But I am open to God's leading.
So when my plans change, please do not question them. (Oops...at risk of sounding nasty...) Please do not judge them. Please don't interject your own personal plans for my life. Please, instead, pray for God to guide me in the direction of His holiness. Please pray that I will be brave enough to follow through with them. Please do the same for everyone else.
Why do we judge other people's journeys with God when they don't look like the "average person's"? That is just plain crazy to me. Why do we think they are giving up on something when they are really being led in a different direction in life? Who are we to judge someone else's life when God is leading them?
<<I understand that people can abuse the "I'm being lead" type of language. People can lie. People can make excuses. People can twist God's leading with personal desires. But that is not for you nor I to judge. Just pray for them. Just be encouraging. Pray that God's will would prevail.>>
:::cool story:::
I was recently talking to a friend who has been trying to get her visa to go live in London for a year. It's been a crazy process for her. The first thing that everyone asks is...how is your visa coming along? Did you get your visa yet? I thought you'd already be in London?! Blah blah blah... Why not instead ask... what has God been teaching you through this process? How can I pray for you? What are you most excited about?
(You really can pray for her. Even if you don't know her. It's allowed. God knows her.)
The change of focus makes all the difference for the person on the receiving end.
She thought she'd already be in London. She thought the process of getting her visa would be much easier. And sometimes it works that way. But God has been teaching her so much through it and I have loved every second of hearing her work through those lessons.
Side note...sorry for the million and one "would have/would not have"... but let's face it... without God... those instances may have turned out very differently. So...I'm not really sorry for them. I'm blessed by them.
And here is an illustration I saw on Facebook that hit me pretty hard due to its reality...and it also made me laugh.
So...when is the day that MY plans come true?!..... hopefully never.
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