Surprise Yourself

“May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you’re wonderful, and don’t forget to make some art - write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself. 
-Neil Gaiman-


2013 was a full year. I.....

• finished my freshman year of college
• went to the Poconos with my roommates for spring break
• became a single lady again
• had foot surgery
• got Netflix
• watched One Tree Hill on Netflix
• went to florida
• moved into a new house
• turned 19
• agreed to be a bridesmaid for one of my best friends
• scratched my plans for college in the fall
• decided I wanted to change my major
• stressed about not knowing which major to change to
• jammed out to music in my car
• fell in love with the uncertainty of God
• watched my oldest brother get married
• wore bright red lipstick for the first time
• rode Farenheit at Hershey Park
• got a second foot surgery
• skipped church because I didn't feel like going
• watched all of How I Met Your Mother on Netflix
• watched all of Rules of Engagement on Netflix
• went to the beach
• agreed to co-lead a 9th grade girls small group
• frosted a lot of cupcakes
• got a second job
• visited my best friends at college
• drank a lot of coffee
• picked up a basketball for the first time in months
• made 400 christmas cookies with my mom 
• saw Thor 2 twice
• decided it was okay that I don't know what major I want to do
• saw blessings through heartache and indecisiveness

...and that's not even half of it.

I can say that I am truly blessed to have had such diverse experiences in my life this year. I was challenged in SO many ways. I plan things out so far in advance... everything after the second bullet point was basically not planned for this year. God is so funny in the ways he works. The plan I had was taken from my closed fist and God turned it into a beautiful, hard journey. (I still think I'm in the beginning phase of the journey because I still don't know what I'm doing with my life.) 

I could talk for a while about all the stuff that happened this year, but I don't have time to write a book tonight.
Things change. A lot. People change. You change. I change. 
God never changes. (And that's awesome.)
Through all the changes, I have learned some things about myself. I crave authenticity. I rely on myself too much. I love people who are different than me.
Within the last month, I have had some thrilling conversations with people. We talked about life, church, hypocrisy, dreams, secrets. Raw, hard, confusing topics. The more I had these conversations, the more I wanted them. I wanted to talk to people who think things that I have never thought. I want to do things that I would never do. I want to let someone help me because they may bring something awesome to the table. I want to be approachable enough that people know I will let them into my life. I want to let people into my life. I want God to guide me to the people that I need, and to the people that need me. 

A final thought...
While I was going through one of my foot surgeries as well as heartache, I was so frustrated. I was hurting and angry ad confused. As I talked to my mentor about it, I asked her something along the lines of ... when will thing learning process be over and when will God stop teaching me things that I hate?. She basically looked at me and said, "God's never going to stop teaching you." 
I thought about it for a little while after we talked, frustrated and distraught, feeling like my life would forever suck. But then it hit me...the fact that God will never stop teaching me is pretty much the coolest thing ever. God cares so much about me that He works little, awesome, frustrating lessons into my every day life. I ran with that idea. Each time someone asked me my plans, I knew that they weren't really my plans at all. I told God that I wanted Him to guide me, and it was time for me to finally let Him guide me. 

I have seen so many posts about 2014 being a blank book and how you should write a story that is super awesome and blah blah blah....
I know for a fact that God already wrote my story for this year. I have no idea what it is, but I know it's gonna be GREAT. Instead of doing everything your way this year, try diving into the uncertainty of God's plans. Worship in the waiting. Smile in the storms. (Insert another cheesy religious cliche here.)

I surprised myself greatly this year by allowing myself to be comfortable not knowing things. What is that one thing in your life that you can't shake. Would you give it up knowing you'd struggle, but the outcome would be so much greater? Write it down on paper. Write it on your mirror. Tell people. Tell me. Tell God. Do something about it. 
... how are you going to surprise yourself this year?