As a little kid, I was the biggest and best "Indian Giver".
(I'm not actually sure where that term came from...but please don't take it to extreme terms and get offended by it. Thanks.)
My rough definition of an Indian Giver is someone who gives something to someone else, only to later take it back. My brother (if he remembers when he was that young) would be able to tell you that I did that to him frequently. If he doesn't remember...my mom would confirm that. Whether it was a toy train (yes I liked to play with trains) or a piece of sidewalk chalk, my poor brother probably thought he owned a lot of things until I would take them back days, hours, or minutes later.
I would love to say that I have totally grown out of that phase and never take things back from people once I hand them over.... but that is simply not true.
I am still an Indian Giver.
Maybe you are too.
((warning: I will use bad grammar in the following example in order to maintain privacy... pronoun snobs, be wary))
I was recently talking to someone who was dealing with a pretty heavy burden. This "burden" had happened a while ago... but they still carried it around with them. As we were talking through it, I asked them if they had asked for forgiveness. They looked at me as if I were completely crazy...of course they had!
In that moment, words came out of my mouth that were not my own. I said...well if you've asked for forgiveness and have given it to God, why are you holding onto it?
HA! Boy, I felt like a hypocrite....((but i'll finish this example first))
This person looked at me and I could tell they had a million things ready to roll of their tongue: well you just don't understand (you're right I don't, Jesus does though), it affects me every day-I can't just let it go (but you CAN), or something to that effect.
I proceeded to tell this person about what Jesus' love and sacrifice really means...even though they already knew.
God was speaking to me through my own words, and they affected me deeply.
The conversation ended with lots of hugs and tears, but I was left asking myself a lot of questions.
Didn't Jesus come to cover ALL of our sins? Isn't God omnicient enough for us? Don't we realize how tiny we are? Hasn't God showed us His love? Isn't God big enough to handle anything and everything?
...the answer to all those questions is YES!
So why do we feel that we need to deal with things on our own? Why do we carry burdens that Jesus already took from us? Why are we Indian Givers when it comes to most matters with God? Hmmm...
Worrying. I am really good at it. A pro, actually.
What does it mean when I worry? What am I really saying to God when I worry?
My answer is a conviction that I have been thinking about a lot...
When I give something to God and still worry about it, it's like me telling God that he isn't big enough or good enough to handle it on his own, like he needs my help too.
WHAT?! ...read that again
When I give something to God and still worry about it, it's like me telling God that he isn't big enough or good enough to handle it on his own, like he needs my help too.
But really...if you answered "yes" to any of those question above... why do we act that way? Have you ever thought about it like that?
When I ask God to guide me, and yet still worry about it day in and day out, I'm not actually trusting that He will follow through and provide. I am not trusting Him.
When I ask for forgiveness for a sin that I've committed, and still carry it around with me, I am not acknowledging that Jesus already paid the price for it.
I do not think that God would have told us to cast our cares on Him if He didn't really mean it.
I do not think that God sacrificed His son just so that we could question whether the forgiveness was real or not.
How do we fix our way of thinking?
It is SO scary to really trust in God to provide...but isn't that faith?
It is a very vulnerable feeling to know that we can't earn forgiveness because it's free...but isn't that fact in itself freeing enough?
I am not sure how to close this blog post because I don't have all the answers... (haha, but you already knew that)
So here is a passage of Scripture or two to encourage you...and me. Because after all...we're in this together right?
*cue HSM soundtrack*
5 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. 6 But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.
James 1:5-6 NIV
25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life[a]?
28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Matthew 6:25-34 NIV
I pray that this post has raised awareness in your life. May you think about the things you are holding back from God. May you FULLY give God some things you are still trying to control. And may God bless our efforts to do this, even when we fall short.
YOU.ARE.LOVED.
the end
