The Day My Plans Come True

If you know me at all...you know I'm a planner. I like to know what I am going to do, when I'm going to do it, and who I am going to do it with....weeks in advance. If you would have asked me what the next four years of my life looked like on the day of graduation, I would have told you exactly what I believed to be true. The plans would have been based around my time Messiah College, at the end of which I would graduate with a degree in Middle Level Education and TESOL. If you would have asked me six months ago what I would be doing right now, I would've told you that I was returning from a cross-cultural trip to Indonesia where I would be teaching English. If you would've asked me last month what I would be doing this summer, the answer would have been totally different than it is now. Boy...God has a sense of humor. I am not at Messiah College, I am changing my major, and I am deciding which adventurous trail to follow this summer.

Planning can be such a good thing. It can make for a much easier, less stressed life. It can also become something that controls you. It began to control me. I had taken all of my plans into my own hands and relied on them more than I did on God. And God being the patient God he is...waited for me to realize this. He slowly stripped plans away until He got my attention.

A lot of people would hear that and think it was a bad thing. While it was such a trying and difficult part of my life, it was also the best thing that could have happened. God was refining me in so many ways. I took hope, and still take hope, in the fact that the time following the pruning is when the plant blossoms. The process is still happening as I am in a period of transition. It is still difficult. It can be lonely. It is also so rewarding.

The concept of "planning" has changed drastically for me. I can set out to do the things that I have prayerfully considered and they may happen. They might not. And either way, there is a purpose behind it.

God's ways are SO much higher and better than my ways....hallelujah.

One thing that has been a weight on my shoulders through this whole process is how others look at me. People know the determination and stubbornness I so often embody. When I first started telling people that I wouldn't return to Messiah this past fall, I was greeted with reactions that made me so confused. I was struggling though life one day at a time and people were making judgements about me that I had given up on school, that I would never return to school, and that I was just a "little lost". It deflated me faster than I anticipated. I started to get a little angry as I lay flat on my back after foot surgery staring at the ceiling. Why was I here? Why was I feeling led away from college? Why couldn't I just have all the money in the world to pay for school? Why was I alone? Why weren't other people supporting me? Why? Why? Why? In those moments, I had to swallow every emotion and hold onto a fact that didn't feel good. I had to accept that God knew what He was doing. I "laid out my fleece" enough times to know the direction in which I was being led. So it should not matter what other people thought about it. I was following God's leading.
<<this was way harder than it sounds as I'm sure many other people know as well>>

I could not be happier that I took this year off from school. I miss my friends like crazy...but my time with them is so much more precious. My conversations with people were more infrequent...so the ones I do have, I try to make significant. God has matured me in so many ways that would not have been possible if I were at school. I don't even recognize myself sometimes...it's the coolest thing ever. It is evidence of the continual transformation of becoming more like Christ...and I feel like my transformation will literally take forever. I'm so imperfect. It's great.

The point of me saying all of that is this... I could tell you all my plans for this coming year. I could tell you that I am going on a >100km hike in Spain. I could tell you that I am going back to Messiah. I could tell you that I am thinking about going somewhere else for college. I could tell you a prospective major I want to study. I could tell you lots of things. And in my mind, they're all as true as can be...for right now. But I am open to God's leading.

So when my plans change, please do not question them. (Oops...at risk of sounding nasty...) Please do not judge them. Please don't interject your own personal plans for my life. Please, instead, pray for God to guide me in the direction of His holiness. Please pray that I will be brave enough to follow through with them. Please do the same for everyone else.

Why do we judge other people's journeys with God when they don't look like the "average person's"? That is just plain crazy to me. Why do we think they are giving up on something when they are really being led in a different direction in life? Who are we to judge someone else's life when God is leading them?

<<I understand that people can abuse the "I'm being lead" type of language. People can lie. People can make excuses. People can twist God's leading with personal desires. But that is not for you nor I to judge. Just pray for them. Just be encouraging. Pray that God's will would prevail.>>

:::cool story:::
I was recently talking to a friend who has been trying to get her visa to go live in London for a year. It's been a crazy process for her. The first thing that everyone asks is...how is your visa coming along? Did you get your visa yet? I thought you'd already be in London?! Blah blah blah...      Why not instead ask... what has God been teaching you through this process? How can I pray for you? What are you most excited about?
(You really can pray for her. Even if you don't know her. It's allowed. God knows her.)
The change of focus makes all the difference for the person on the receiving end.
She thought she'd already be in London. She thought the process of getting her visa would be much easier. And sometimes it works that way. But God has been teaching her so much through it and I have loved every second of hearing her work through those lessons.

Side note...sorry for the million and one "would have/would not have"... but let's face it... without God... those instances may have turned out very differently. So...I'm not really sorry for them. I'm blessed by them.


And here is an illustration I saw on Facebook that hit me pretty hard due to its reality...and it also made me laugh.

So...when is the day that MY plans come true?!..... hopefully never.

Immediate Obedience

I will be the first to admit that I am not the best listener. I tend to analyze rules/commands in my mind before I consider what my reaction will be. Even after my consideration, my reaction is not always obedience.
Reading in Matthew 1, (after the long genealogy), there is such a challenging example of obedience.

^18-19 The birth of Jesus took place like this. His mother, Mary, was engaged to be married to Joseph. Before they came to the marriage bed, Joseph discovered she was pregnant. (It was by the Holy Spirit, but he didn’t know that.) Joseph, chagrined but noble, determined to take care of things quietly so Mary would not be disgraced.

^20-23 While he was trying to figure a way out, he had a dream. God’s angel spoke in the dream: “Joseph, son of David, don’t hesitate to get married. Mary’s pregnancy is Spirit-conceived. God’s Holy Spirit has made her pregnant. She will bring a son to birth, and when she does, you, Joseph, will name him Jesus—‘God saves’—because he will save his people from their sins.” This would bring the prophet’s embryonic sermon to full term:

Watch for this—a virgin will get pregnant and bear a son;
They will name him Immanuel (Hebrew for “God is with us”).

^24-25 Then Joseph woke up. He did exactly what God’s angel commanded in the dream: He married Mary. But he did not consummate the marriage until she had the baby. He named the baby Jesus.

(Matthew 1:18-25; The Message)

Setting the whole "Christmas theme" aside, I love the lesson of immediate obedience. In those days, pregnancy before marriage was punishable by death. Since Mary was pledged to Joseph, they both had the potential to be exposed. This was not a matter of small importance so you can imagine the severity of anxiety that Mary and Joseph felt in their own separate ways.

BUT...God interveined. Try to put youself in Joseph's shoes as you receive that news from an angel. While all of this information must have seemed crazy to Joseph, I love his reaction.

It says, "he woke up...and did exactly what God's angel commanded."

Would I react that way?

Would I make a counter-culture decision?

Isn't that what we are called to; to live counter-culture lives?

So often people (including me) ignore altogether the commands that God gives to us. Or if we don't ignore them, we obey with delay. I remember one of my Pastors years ago saying, "Delayed Obedience is Disobedience." That will forever stay with me.

Joseph heard God's words, did not even question them, and followed through. We should be so thankful because if he had not... would the story of Jesus' birth be different?

I am left pondering the question...

What command has God called me to obey that I am either delaying or ignoring?

 

REAL Conversations

Have you ever contemplated your cravings? What things drive you to go the extra mile? What do you want so badly that you can't stop thinking about it?
Off the top of my head I am thinking... the sense of accomplishment, extra dark chocolate, and REAL conversations.
These aren't things that I just love a lot...they are things that I feel the need for in my life.
I have recently gone through a season of "pruning" where God stripped me down to my bare self and then basically asked me who I was. What are the blocks that build me, Rachel? Oh boy...I was so off base. Hind sight is 20/20 as I see what God was slowly taking out of my life in order to find myself. One thing that has remained strong and keeps building is my desire for real conversations.
Let me first define what I think "real conversations" are; they are not superficial, they skip the small talk, they contain awkward subjects, they make you uncomfortable, they light a fire in you, they require eye contact, they challenge everything you ever considered, they are frequently inconvenient, they leave you encouraged, and they are best enjoyed over a cup of coffee.
The best thing about real conversations is that they don't have to happen with people you are close to. A few weeks ago, I ran into a woman at my church who is a few years older than me. We were in youth group together years ago, though I had never really known her more than connecting a face to a name. Well, we are both on youth staff this year and so we saw each other more frequently. We gradually talked more and more, but I never sought her out to talk. On Christmas Eve, we passed in the lobby of church and we got into a conversation about how she was moving to Europe at the beginning of the year.  We talked about all the things she is going to do in London and I was not very good at hiding my jealousy. She asked about my life and I remember being so encouraged after talking to her because she listened not only with her ears, but with her eyes and her face. She and I were talking in the midst of tons of people, but were totally focused on our conversation. (I WANT TO LISTEN LIKE THAT!) Since it was toward the beginning of the holidays, we parted with a quick promise to grab coffee together soon.
Well...it is now January 6th and we still haven't grabbed coffee. The thing that strikes me isn't that we never actually got coffee...people make so many unfulfilled promises to catch up (I am unfortunately not exempt from that)... but it's the fact that I am craving that type of conversation. I sat with her in church yesterday and while the message was awesome, I couldn't wait for it to be over so I could hear her progress with her London trip. I am totally struck with her confidence, trust and peace in God. She is waiting on her visa to travel. Meanwhile, she already quit her job and is selling her car today. Talk about having trust that God will provide.
We made plans to get coffee on Friday. I can't wait.
So what does that have to do with craving real conversations...and why is that important in the first place?
Well...I believe God created us to be in fellowship with one another. I do NOT think fellowship is gossip or a quick "Hi!" or a shallow conversation. God wants us to share in our suffering and joy. This means we are frequently vulnerable...and that is a beautiful thing. The more I experience this type of fellowship, the more I want it. There really isn't anything better than connecting with another believe and sharing life. Naked, hard, fulfilling life. Not only do you learn from others and get to encourage them, by vocalizing your own thoughts, you learn and grow from your own experiences. There are so many times when I am talking about something that I have gone over a million times in my head but as soon as it comes out of my mouth, it hits me in a new way. I think that is one of the coolest things ever.

"Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies." Philippians 4:8-9 (The Message)

 Have you had a real conversation lately? If not...why?

Surprise Yourself

“May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you’re wonderful, and don’t forget to make some art - write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself. 
-Neil Gaiman-


2013 was a full year. I.....

• finished my freshman year of college
• went to the Poconos with my roommates for spring break
• became a single lady again
• had foot surgery
• got Netflix
• watched One Tree Hill on Netflix
• went to florida
• moved into a new house
• turned 19
• agreed to be a bridesmaid for one of my best friends
• scratched my plans for college in the fall
• decided I wanted to change my major
• stressed about not knowing which major to change to
• jammed out to music in my car
• fell in love with the uncertainty of God
• watched my oldest brother get married
• wore bright red lipstick for the first time
• rode Farenheit at Hershey Park
• got a second foot surgery
• skipped church because I didn't feel like going
• watched all of How I Met Your Mother on Netflix
• watched all of Rules of Engagement on Netflix
• went to the beach
• agreed to co-lead a 9th grade girls small group
• frosted a lot of cupcakes
• got a second job
• visited my best friends at college
• drank a lot of coffee
• picked up a basketball for the first time in months
• made 400 christmas cookies with my mom 
• saw Thor 2 twice
• decided it was okay that I don't know what major I want to do
• saw blessings through heartache and indecisiveness

...and that's not even half of it.

I can say that I am truly blessed to have had such diverse experiences in my life this year. I was challenged in SO many ways. I plan things out so far in advance... everything after the second bullet point was basically not planned for this year. God is so funny in the ways he works. The plan I had was taken from my closed fist and God turned it into a beautiful, hard journey. (I still think I'm in the beginning phase of the journey because I still don't know what I'm doing with my life.) 

I could talk for a while about all the stuff that happened this year, but I don't have time to write a book tonight.
Things change. A lot. People change. You change. I change. 
God never changes. (And that's awesome.)
Through all the changes, I have learned some things about myself. I crave authenticity. I rely on myself too much. I love people who are different than me.
Within the last month, I have had some thrilling conversations with people. We talked about life, church, hypocrisy, dreams, secrets. Raw, hard, confusing topics. The more I had these conversations, the more I wanted them. I wanted to talk to people who think things that I have never thought. I want to do things that I would never do. I want to let someone help me because they may bring something awesome to the table. I want to be approachable enough that people know I will let them into my life. I want to let people into my life. I want God to guide me to the people that I need, and to the people that need me. 

A final thought...
While I was going through one of my foot surgeries as well as heartache, I was so frustrated. I was hurting and angry ad confused. As I talked to my mentor about it, I asked her something along the lines of ... when will thing learning process be over and when will God stop teaching me things that I hate?. She basically looked at me and said, "God's never going to stop teaching you." 
I thought about it for a little while after we talked, frustrated and distraught, feeling like my life would forever suck. But then it hit me...the fact that God will never stop teaching me is pretty much the coolest thing ever. God cares so much about me that He works little, awesome, frustrating lessons into my every day life. I ran with that idea. Each time someone asked me my plans, I knew that they weren't really my plans at all. I told God that I wanted Him to guide me, and it was time for me to finally let Him guide me. 

I have seen so many posts about 2014 being a blank book and how you should write a story that is super awesome and blah blah blah....
I know for a fact that God already wrote my story for this year. I have no idea what it is, but I know it's gonna be GREAT. Instead of doing everything your way this year, try diving into the uncertainty of God's plans. Worship in the waiting. Smile in the storms. (Insert another cheesy religious cliche here.)

I surprised myself greatly this year by allowing myself to be comfortable not knowing things. What is that one thing in your life that you can't shake. Would you give it up knowing you'd struggle, but the outcome would be so much greater? Write it down on paper. Write it on your mirror. Tell people. Tell me. Tell God. Do something about it. 
... how are you going to surprise yourself this year?